Tuesday, November 01, 2011

22 tomorrow.

I'm 22 tomorrow. November 1st. Usually, I'd be over-the-moon excited. Dancing around, singing, smiling. Falling asleep with a big smile plastered to my face in anticipation of the big day. Not tonight. Tonight, I'm confused. Tired. Sad. Weepy. Content. Hopeful. Peaceful. A jumble of emotions.

Tonight, I will fall asleep with a sigh. I will be climbing into a freshly made bed with freshly made sheets. I will hopefully sleep through the last hour of my 21st year. 

Tonight, I'm listening to Adele. 

I'm feeling good about my day. I woke up, got ready, packed my lunch, was at the school by 7:45AM. I spent the day with 20 kindergarteners who are usually a whirlwind to be around and when you add Halloween to the mix, wow! I was exhausted by noon. I left the school a little after 4:30PM. Melissa and I went to buy Halloween treats. (We got 1 trick-or-treater). When we got home, I cleaned my room, folded and put away laundry, washed my bedding. I made myself a tuna melt for supper (it was my third time ever using our oven). I washed my dishes and packed my lunch for tomorrow. I had a heart-to-heart with Melissa. 

I had big plans for a good birthday blog post. I had given a lot of thought about what to write. Should I even write a birthday post for myself? Isn't that kind of self-absorbed? And then I realized, this blog is for me as much as it's for you (whoever you are), if not more so, and so, yes, I should write a birthday blog post. But what to write? One option was just a simple, "Today, I am 22" with a cute baby picture from my first birthday. Another option was to write a summary of what happened while I was 21. Instead, you get this, a rambling of the like that can be found in my journal. I don't even know if it makes sense, but I'm not deleting it. I want to know what was going on in my head when I said goodbye to 21. 

Right now: Smiling. Knowing I'll be okay. That I am okay. Feeling happiness to the bone. Where it counts. How it counts. Looking forward to 22 and thinking, "bring it on! I got this!" Wondering what's in store. Getting excited about opening birthday cards because man, I love cards!


(How could I not post the picture from my first birthday?)

3 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday Amanda! Hope you have an absolutely fantastic day and wish I was there to celebrate it with you!

    ReplyDelete

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